I.. walk.. alone..

I.. walk.. alone..
I walk alone!
I may have friends.. friends who love and care for me but still I walk alone.
My life iz my own for no one to judge me and no one to whom I will justify my actions.
I've had enough of this daily routine.. haa some jokes huh?
Dunno but this frustration iz consuming me and eating me up inside.
There were times when I felt a stab of envy while watching lovers walking together.
Now I do accept that he'll never be part of my life.
So am I wrong in saying that I walk alone?
Weps I don't need him back but I do want him back.
I walk alone!
I've got my heart on my hand
I've got my hand upon my heart
I've got my heart on my hand
It's not like we planned
Again some jokes huh?
Sure I'll always walk alone
It's my destiny and I accept it =)
I walk alone
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# Posté le mardi 23 octobre 2007 01:15

Modifié le mercredi 06 août 2008 12:07

Random thoughts

Random thoughts
Random Thoughts 1: Time
25th Oct 2006

Unbelievable how time goes by... seems as if it was just yesterday when I last heard your voice, kissed you, hugged you, laughed with you, cried with you, walked beside you, held your hand, made wishes every time I could just for you, forced you to sing for me, argued with you on every petty thing, woke up early in the morning just to hear your voice, spent nights talking to you and told you everything which I couldn't tell anyone else.
Indeed unbelievable how time goes by...


Random Thoughts 2: Lose it all
31st Oct 2006

I lost you.
You didn't lie when you said that you'll never return.
Even if you're back today, you're completely different from the one you used to be; the one I cherished so much and the one I fell in love with.
Can't you understand that I need answers so as to move on?
Can't you do me this last favour?
Can't you mend my heart, heal these wounds, ease this pain and wipe my tears?
Can't you just be my someone special for one day?
Can't you just love me falsely for simply one day?
yeah you can't!


Random Thoughts 3: Why
16th Nov 2006

Why?
Why can't I face the truth that you'll never love me again?
Why am I bent on being so insane?
why can't I really hate you for more than one second?
Why can't I move on and make as if it's no big deal that you're longer in my life?
Why can't I handle the fact that all those words, promises, songs, messages, mails, phone calls and sweet nothings were indeed nothing but sweet nothings?
Why can't I merely pretend to be the someone everyone wants me to be?
Why can't I keep on this fake smile on my face for long?
Why does my virtual mask seem to fade away whenever I think about you?
Why do I seem to hear your voice late at night when silence creeps in the vicinity?
Why does your face haunt all my sweet dreams?
Why do my sweet dreams consist of your presence?
Why can't I just wake up the next day without any reminiscence?
Why can't I turn back time?
Why can't I find any answers for my questions?
Why does my whole universe seem to revolve around the word "why"?
Why simply why?
Why?


Random Thoughts 4: Your smile
21st Nov 2006

Your Smile Blinds Me
Our lips frozen in a kiss
That only lasts for several years
You reach out to touch my heart but miss
And instead grab my fears
Of being left alone here
Alone

Your smile blinds me
And I'm snared by your eyes
My heart stops when you touch me
Tell me more lies

Our blood frozen in the words
That we never meant to say
Nothing but the truth hurts
in quite the same way
i said i love you
And you said

Your smile blinds me
And I'm snared by your eyes
My heart stops when you touch me
i miss your lies.


Random Thoughts 5: Death wish
28th Nov 2006

There were so many times when I just lied in the darkness and wondered what death iz all about... why was I tempted to just do the 'unspeakable'? Was it simply because I got ditched by the person I trusted the most huh? by the one I loved and cherished the most? By the one who used to be my life, love, best friend pffff my universe...? Was this the real reason? Maybe... which meant that I was definitely weak as the death angel was always hovering near me and telling me different ways of dying... naaa I never wanted to be weak maybe that's why I built up this sort of ice barrier around me so that no one could reach out for me... it was my only defence huh weps so haaa "death" such a simple word; "death" but yet so complicated deep within geeeez so after will I really attain salvation as some say or will I simply rot in hell but then iznt this life of mine similar to hell... oh no I'm not saying that my life iz much more worse than yours... Merde don't we all have obstacles of our own huh but we all tend to overstress the issue... and we remain firm that'll ever be someone who will understand us... coz there'll never be someone who will understand me! How could you understand me when you can't understand yourself? And weps you will NEVER understand yourself hahaha that's what's called Human Beings... hey pfff merde was going to write about my death wish mais ended up with this crap hahaha


Random Thoughts 6: Final Showdown
13th Dec 2006

If asked why I love him I would say
It's the sway in his hips,
the thickness in his thighs.
It's the lust in his lips,
the love in his eyes.
It's the softness of his skin,
the silk in his hair.
It's the twist in his walk,
the sweetness in his talk.
It's simply the way he is
that makes me love him more each day.


[Hmmm many asked me why do I love him? pfff still can't really explain my love but then love was never meant to be explained or justified but simply felt..
my blog wouldn't have been complete without me mentioning him
weps no matter what part of me still loves him..
aaah I'll try not to write more about him now :D]
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# Posté le mardi 23 octobre 2007 01:41

Modifié le samedi 15 novembre 2008 01:13

My Angel

My Angel

Take my hand and
Will away this darkness to fade,
Take my hand and
Will away this pain that cuts like blade,
Take my hand and
Show me everlasting sweet dreams,
Take my hand and
Show me the place where no one screams,
Take my hand and
Sense my loneliness,
Take my hand and
Sense my incompleteness,
Take my hand and
Let me look into your mesmerising eyes,
Take my hand and
Let me find where my happiness lies.

[Angel.. that's how I still think of u.. simply love this pic, shows how he saves her from slipping away into darkness or let's say deep waters..
he feels a surge of relief and joy as they approach the shore..
once there he realises that it was too late..
it had always been too late..
niak niak ki mn rabasser la? anyway its my own poem.. ]
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# Posté le mardi 23 octobre 2007 02:01

Modifié le mercredi 06 août 2008 12:10

[No one to play with..]

[No one to play with..]
Hurt..
I'm sick and tired of it!
I do my best all the time. I do what I have to do. No matter how it makes me cry and throb on the inside. I feel like no one cares. No one see the effort. I do it and do it and do it until I'm sweating and sobbing and shaking. I get so filled with fury and hate that I can't see. Everything starts to spin. I twitch and grope at the rope that will drag me but every inch closer I crawl, someone pulls it farther away, laughing at my tears, my sweat, and my blood. It makes me sick. It's not worth it. I find relief from it. I get up off my knees, brush off my clothes, the blood off my face. And then I go away. I leave your laughter, your joy. All the fighting and trying is pointless. It's like trying to walk through a wall. And your bony pointless hatred still pokes me no matter where I run to get away from it. I can't run, no matter how fast my legs move. Can't hide no matter how dirty I'm willing to get. It's all a game to you, a trick to see how far down the line you can push me. I'm over the line now.
What is a game to you is my life.
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# Posté le mardi 23 octobre 2007 02:14

Modifié le mercredi 06 août 2008 12:11

Now how about cheering up a bit?

Now how about cheering up a bit?
Do we really need a reason so as to indulgence ourselves in chocolates?
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# Posté le mercredi 24 octobre 2007 12:24

Modifié le mercredi 06 août 2008 12:11